No matter what stage or phase of life our children are in we worry. We worry when they are infants, we worry when they are toddlers and school age, and then tweens and teens. We worry and hope we can keep them healthy and happy through all those bumps and then send them out into the adult world to be successful. We want to create a path for them that has some bumps and curves but not too many, and especially not those paths they can’t get back from.
Being a parent of younger children is tough, tough work. Being the parent of soon to be adult children and then adult children with anxiety and depression can be even tougher. When the boys were toddlers and even older I never knew how easy it was-I took it for granted, now before you go “What?”, hear me out. A toddler touches the hot stove, we respond with some first aid and usually all is good. A toddler tantrums because he or she doesn’t want to go to bed or throws a fit in the grocery store and we can put him or her in his room, maybe a time out in the car. It usually is a loud but short in duration event. Usually.
But when our soon to be adult or adult children are hurting with mental wellness and veer off the path we wanted for them it is HARD. It can be very loud OR even worse-very silent and often far too long in duration. They are far away from us physically, geographically and often pull away from us emotionally in their quest to be independent or hide their embarrassment. We can’t put them in the bathtub for a long bath and then a nap that makes it all better. We can’t sit them down in a time out and say “come out when you are ready”, they honestly may not know how. We see them hurting and we try to help, we offer food, exercise, counseling, outings, hobbies, activities, we spray and pray and hope that something sticks.
We hope the path of mental health they are trudging through gets better-less weeds, less curves and overgrown areas. We want them to see an arrow or two that says “Go here”, and they look at it and think to themselves, “OK”. We want them to see that with some small changes and more then anything that with open eyes and mind the path can get clearer, prettier-breathtaking actually.
Guess what? It can and it does, hang in their friends, keep fighting to return to the main path, it is out there. All those things you are trying sometimes stick. And sometimes the best way to help is maybe to stay on the path behind them.
