If All It Took
I pause in the middle of washing dishes, hands soapy and dripping everywhere as I reach for a towel. I pause because as I am washing dishes I am listening and watching a show called “American Tragedy”. It features Susan Klebold, the mother of Columbine Massacre killer Dylan Klebold. I am weird that way, I enjoy terrible crime stories, but I have also read her book and it spoke to me. It spoke to me because it is so genuine. It is easy for many people to look at this terrible tragedy and say, “She should have known”, “What kind of parent would not know….” About the bombs and guns and terrible ideations. I pause because the documentary is to the part where she has moved past the grief and anger and realized the terrible final impact of a mental illness her son had unbeknownst to her. She had no idea. Scoff if you want, I don’t. I have been there, done that, lived with a teen that I had no idea was struggling so deeply. Do not hold yourself in such high esteem, it happens my friends.
The reason I stop is to press pause on the remote as a reporter who studies school shootings and the connections of mental illness shares words that hit me in the heart. I have to rewind, I need to hear her words and write them down. Here is what she says: If loving fiercely was all it took to keep mental illness at bay then there would be an awful lot of people who would be completely immune and protected, just caring isn’t always enough. Whoa, read it again. I have shared quotes before of loving fiercely, rising up, being tenacious, that these are the gritty vocabulary words needed to survive this journey. It is true but lets not forget what else we need. Tools and support and guidance in how to use them.
It comes to mind that 1 in 5 children will have a mental illness or be with someone who suffers. Kudos to the 4 of you who are immune, have gratitude. But your 1 of 4 children who are aren’t impacted will be sitting next to 1 of the 5 in class, be friends with 1 of the 5, be on a sports team of 1 of the 5, be the girlfriend or boyfriend of 1 of the 5. Lose their best friend to suicide who is 1 of the 5, even be a victim of 1 of the 5.
I don’t say this to scare us. I don’t stop in midstream while doing dishes to have a righteous moment. I stop because I easily forget the endless counseling appointments, the medication, the tools learned and how they have become habits in our family. That we didn’t do this alone without methodical work from experts. That possibly in the coming months these tools may serve us well again. Maybe another story for another time.
Here is what I am saying, love fiercely AND seek help and support, not just once but every time. Not just for a quick fix but for the long haul, that is the end game. Think about your hair fitness, your physical fitness, nutritional fitness, shouldn’t we be thinking about the mental fitness just as much?
