August….wow it has been awhile and I see my last blog was from a mom heart. Here we are again writing from a mom heart. Very fitting, it is WHY all this occurs, why I focus on something so small and in my corner and thinking maybe it helps just one….
Here is an entry I wrote and actually emailed to the man children. I don’t know if they I read it. I hope they do, if not now, some day. I tell them that, don’t worry-it will make sense and when I am 80 and you are 50 something I will still write you things. That is what I do. Here I share with you friends.
Fireproof-Glennon Doyle
Only people who stand in the fire can know what that is. That is the one thing I need my children to know about themselves
Nothing will destroy them. So I do not want to protect them from life’s fires
I want to point toward the fire and say, “I see your fear”, and it’s big. I also see your courage, and it’s bigger.
We can do hard things
We are fireproof
I began reading this book and came across this quote in it at a very random time, but not really. The school year was starting mid Covid 19 and we were in the middle of a medical scare. Nothing like a good medical scare throws me over the edge more. Needless to say, I read this and I cried. And I have since many times. This year of 2020 has been a bitch my friends, there is no other way to put it. I remember where I was a year ago on this day, getting ready to celebrate 25 years of marriage to the person who sticks with me and all my weirdness- on our dream vacation. We came back refreshed and motivated to focus on fun and more trips with and without the man children. Iceland, Europe, and another November trip in 2020. Then March of 2020 hit and HERE.WE.ARE.
We are in this limbo, this terrible day 2 and “in between” of EVERYTHING. In a year with so many things like graduations, 18th birthday, 21st birthday, 50th birthdays to celebrate, none of them went right or what seems to be “normal”. Add to it some traumatic society events (no matter what lens you view it from) and an election, if feels like the joy is just sometimes sucked from daily life. And I think of my offspring in this stupid, awful limbo and in the words of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, “We hates it”.
But, you know me there is always a but…
Here is something the offspring don’t always know because we may not say it enough, or they don’t believe us or buy what we are saying BUT I know my kids. I know their hearts, I know their minds. I have seen each of them in their own way battle and show courage with small and big things that while they drive me crazy at the same time make me proud. I never tried to shield them from tough stuff or make it too easy, but I know we are a very fortunate family and yes I still sometimes heat up their food and do their laundry-it is what mom’s do. I wish I could share with them somehow in a concrete way the feeling I have in my bones that while 2020 has been terrible, especially for a young adults it IS temporary. And the other feeling in my bones is that this will help shape who they are because they are not quitters. I don’t think I raised quitters. I also hope in my heart they leave this cruddy time with some learning and instead of coming out on the other side of the fire scarred and bitter that they come out with a renewed sense of self and seeking joy and resiliency. Because they will deserve it and have worked for it.
I want them to look at the fire and think, “whoa this sucks” and be worried, but then see the courage I SEE in them and know they can do these hard things. I am saying now is the time to be fireproof, focus on what is in front of us with a strong back and a soft front. We can do hard things….
From mom-you know I write cheesy things I can’t help it. I really don’t mind if you don’t read or it seems weird and uncomfortable. Sharing my thoughts helps my heart, I know someday it will help yours.
