I wrote this awhile back. I found it today. I found it today after someone I know connected with me as he/she had just found our work and website. This person had taken to read the blog and had very kind words to say. It compelled me to reread (and edit) and think of this story. I thought of it as one of our man-children provided me with an up-against-the rock moment. Of his own making. AGAIN. And I went through the roller coaster of emotions. AGAIN. And wondered when in the heck will this roller coaster just flatten out. As I reread stories unpublished and came across this one. As always just the story I needed at the time. Sometimes those we love the most are the damn rock. But they are our rocks…Read on friends
I read this in a passage today from a book a friend gave me. The passage was titled “When the Path is Blocked”, here is a small piece:
We are each a mountain for the other to climb, often our path to love is interrupted by a mishap or a problem or something unexpected that needs attending. We tend to call these unexpected things “obstacles”…Thus, in daily ways, we have this constant choice: to see each other as the stubborn, muddy, biting thing that blocks our way, OR to back up and take in the whole person as we would a mountain in its entirety, dizzy when looking up into its majesty.
This hit me like a ton of bricks, or maybe I hit it like running smack into a mountain. I had not slept well the night before after what felt like again another lose-lose conversation with our adult offspring. Harsh tone was used, follow up texts, words spewed forth from fear, concerns and good intentions that still felt to the other party like judgement and non-acceptance. I hate that. Because while I can say to myself, I am not judging I know there is that undercurrent, how can there not be. I am always looking at how this person handles the obstacles with a critical eye, even an eye roll sometimes and probably lots of cussing.
I read this passage and reflected on my climbing for the day, climbing each time I go and WHY I love it. I love the pattern. The pattern of putting on the harness, looking at the rock, watching others. I love approaching the hard, clunky granite-analyzing it, taking it in, stepping forward with resolution and curiosity and JOY that it is before me. Do you know I have never once looked at is an “obstacle”, this huge rock in front of me? I never thought about changing it, attacking it, fixing it. I have learned to sit back in the harness and pause-reexamine-slow it down without assumption or judgement of it or myself. I often don’t make it to the top, and usually always leave the day with a bruise, a scrape, bleeding, and exhausted. BUT I go back every time. I go back without trepidation, malice, or ill will toward the rock. Because like the passage stated I take in the whole majesty of the climb.
I wanted to cry as I read the passage because THIS was exactly what it was telling me about my very special human and our phone call-past and I know future ones. The thing in the way often comes from that other person we love-their stubbornness, their desire, their need for independence, their sadness. Instead of seeing this other person as a majestic mountain to approach with calm, steadiness, curiosity, the feeling of tearing away logs in the way, skipping over murky water and attacking overcomes me. Fear and worry do that, no way around it. But what if…
I approach the rock-this person I love differently. What if I approach it like the true majestic rock that it is. I take a breath, I look up and out. I see the beauty of this person. What if I take a step back and trust my harness, be curious about the route, let go a little, recognize bruising will happen, still stay firm-I can’t stop being a mom-never will. There will always be emotion attached to it but if we pause in the approach of the rock can I do a little better, I can try. It really all is in how you approach the rock my friends.
