Broken Beliefs
I went climbing with the women’s group for my last official summer session. Work calls, back to doing what I am meant to do. It is always bittersweet to leave that last time. I went into today’s climb with a crabby mind. Not motivated, almost didn’t go. I hadn’t learned as much I wanted this summer, it was super-hot, my body was like, ummmm lets just phone it in. Me-Okay, sounds good to me.
My last route of the day was one of the harder ones I have done. The start was HARD (kind of like most starts in life are). I get discouraged by the start often, pretty easy to abandon when the task is hard right away. I had to spend my time scrambling, grabbing, scratching at rock. In my head the chatter is, "Oh I will get as far as I can but you know, it looks pretty hard, out of my ability level, and well the start is sooooo hard". Some falling happens and a big swing. Yep see. Hard. My belayer tells me “You almost had it”. The climber before who made it look easy says “You got this; you are totally strong enough”. Hmm am I? Like I LOVE that you all are feeling that right now but…ever have that chatter in your head people?
So I scuttle back over, breathe, grit my jaw, set my shoulders and think to myself COME ON. Dig in and believe, accept the route, and go, just fricking go. You do know other words were used but you get the idea. Attempt 2, just as much grabbing and clawing, grunting and breathing and moving, just moving. I had no idea of my feet, what was next just go, go up. Not sure ANY of that is good climbing practice but it worked. I make it over the crux. Not sure words can describe.
When I arrive home I get some pics and a compliment from our other climber-and ask the name of the route. Get this it is called Broken Beliefs. Mic drop. I felt that. You know why I FELT that perfect name?
Because life is like that, Broken Beliefs, ALL the damn time, small and big things that break. Things breaking around us and within us. Things with a really hard start, and a crux right at the beginning sometimes leaving us stepping back and out-abandoning. When this happens, we never know what “could be” or what might be great AFTER the crux.
So here it is for today. DON’T abandon. Sit in the harness-rest. Take that support. Breathe. Set the shoulders and GO. Be broken and still believe. After the crux is worth it.
