I wrote this story on a whim, when I was at work late and supposed to be working. BUT as most of my writing moments go, I have to get the flurry of thoughts out on paper before they escape me. Here is why this story is important. Dealing with, just so you know-I hate that phrase. Let’s say overcoming mental health concerns is exhausting and often we just don’t want to put in one more ounce of energy, no matter how much we love the person. We want to shut the door and be done. Sometimes we do have to if there is toxicity, it can just become that way. BEFORE we do though, we have to sometimes answer the damn buzzer no matter how annoying, read on…
Let’s start by ranting here for a minute. I was sitting in my office waiting for a PTA meeting and super excited to have two uninterrupted hours to get some much-needed work done. While doing this work the 20-year-old man-child calls. He is upset and frustrated by adulting life (can’t say I haven’t felt that) and I know his feelings are valid BUT of his own making. The phone call is tense I am definitely clear, but NOT kind in my input and the call ends not so great. I feel terrible, like a horrible mom, but I am beyond frustrated with the scenario and almost ready to cry…when the BUZZER goes off.
The BUZZER is an obnoxious button people must press to enter the school building, and it was now ringing right at that moment at 5:05 PM on a Tuesday. I roll my eyes. I swear. I refuse to look at the live camera view to see who it is. Ringing the buzzer at 5:05 PM is bad and usually a goof off or some kid wanting to come into the building to pee. I ignore it- NO ONE IS HERE I want to shout, like I want to go out to their face and say it and stomp away.
I pause, crap-what if it is a hurt kid or a scared kid and I ignore it. I would never get over it if those unspeakable things that we read about in the paper happen to one of MY kids because I ignored a buzzer. So I get on the camera, sure enough a 5th grade girl-wet and cheeks red from the cold keeps pressing the buzzer over and over again. I head to the door. As I open it she says, “Um oh thank goodness, can I um get my spelling words, it is really important and I forgot them”. Let’s be honest here, I am still raging angry as I walk to the door and my desire to respond, “Well honey we have to remember those things, everyone is gone and the school is closed you can get them tomorrow” is so ready to roll off my tongue.
But I don’t. I let her in, I get rid of my resting bitch face, she tells me her name is *** and we walk together to the room to get her spelling words. It is like 40 degrees out and raining and she has ridden her bike and is wet and cold and all she can do is THANK me for letting her in. She tells me, “I really appreciate this”. We get to her room and she rumbles through her desk and says, “Oh good thing I came back, I forgot this too!”. We exit, she thanks me again and you can see her relief. I go back to my desk and quickly shut myself in and then...the buzzer. It is her, again. She tells me that the spelling list isn’t in there and her dad is really going to be angry because she was supposed to study them last night. NOW, seriously people…can you feel the humility coming out of me, the shame?? We walk back and of course she can’t find the list, I can see the panic coming on, I tell her no worries we will scrounge through someone else’s desk and find a list to photocopy.
As we walk back to the door her relief and gratitude is palatable. She again says, “Thank you so much,” and “I really didn’t think anyone would be here, I am really sorry to bother you. This means a lot”. People can you feel it…the lesson, the metaphor, the slap in my face I obviously needed at that moment? I did, 100% to tears. People “buzz” for us all the time, some we know some we don’t. Some we really care about and some we barely like. Some people “buzz” so much we are fed up-as with the 20-year old man-child in the 10 minutes before this event. I know we can’t always respond to the buzz and sometimes shouldn’t BUT, damn am I glad I answered this buzzer today. Thank you ****, I needed you today, even if I didn’t get my work done😊